Why Guys Cheat And What Does It Mean For YOUR Relationship?

The other day I was asked me to do a guest blog on the topic of why guys cheat. I happened to mention it to my partner and his response was ‘oh no not another lowdown on the low down, how overdone is that?’

Maybe he’s right! There does seem to be a lot of discussion on the topic and you’ll even find revenge websites to help people get back at their ex’s after being cheated on. It’s a growing industry!

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But I do think the subject of why men cheat is a worthwhile discussion because it affects so many women. It may come as a surprise to you that 57% of men admitted to committing infidelity in their relationships.

And when you look around, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has not been a victim of a cheating spouse or partner.

Read more eye opening statistics on infidelity.

Nearly everyone I know has experienced some form of cheating. One particular friend is convinced that ALL men are cheaters, she claims it’s in their jeans, I mean genes so to speak! 🙂

As much as I’m not convinced that is the case, I can’t ignore that fact that as a society, we are becoming de-sensitized to men cheating. It appears to be more and more of an acceptable reality in modern society and the easiest option when things go wrong in a relationship.

So is my blog going to be another hash on the alarming statistics supporting the fact that men cheat?

Will I go into overkill about the many reasons why guys do not stay faithful to their partner or spouse?

Is this going to be yet another man hating campaign to name and shame those two-timing  rats who commit the worst betrayal of all?

The answer is, none of the above. In fact the focus of this blog will not be on men at all but on YOU!

It’s About You When It Comes To Guys Cheating?

The thing is, men will cheat whether you like it or not. They always have and probably always will. And as to why they cheat, there’s a multitude of reasons they do so. They cheat because they are men, because they’re bored, because things are crappy at home, for sex, because they’re having a mid-life crisis!

And as far as they’re concerned, they cheat because it’s all your fault, you put on too much weight, you don’t do the things you used to do anymore, you’re not exciting in bed, you’re not as attractive, you’re best friend’s hot! God knows we’ve heard all the excuses!

Men will do what they do and you have no control over what they do. What you do have control over is YOU! And that brings me to the heart of this blog!

Why You Need To Be YOU In Any Relationship

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The point is, the most important relationship is not with your spouse, boyfriend, lover or significant other. The relationship that should be the most important, is the one you have with YOU!

The relationship you have with yourself will not only determine the kind of man you attract into your life but more importantly, it constitutes what YOU bring to the table.

In developing a loving relationship with yourself you become a WHOLE person.  As you embark on a new relationship, you do so as a WHOLE person. You bring a glass full to the brim of everything that is beautiful. You don’t come empty handed or with a half-filled glass, hoping your prospect will fill the other half.

Absolutely no! You are so full and enriched, you don’t need anything else and your role in a relationship is much more about enhancing what is already there and you enjoy the heck out of that special and WHOLE person you have attracted in your life.

Not a guy with a mountain load of baggage who can’t even find the key to get it all opened! Or someone who is so needy he crushes you under his weight!

And when it all gets too heavy, you know what happens next? Yep! He cheats!

But What About Your Role In His Cheating?

You would miss a very important lesson if you don’t take some responsibility for his actions. Not in the act of cheating itself but in NOT valuing yourself enough to make better choices in the beginning or when you knew the load was getting way to heavy.

Now if you’re thinking to yourself, hold on a minute, that’s not fair, there’s no way I could’ve seen that one coming! You could be right. There are instances where cheating has become such an art form, even the most seasoned women, can get the wool pulled over!

So developing and nurturing a relationship with yourself is no guarantee that ‘the you know what’ won’t hit the fan. But it will ensure you are in the best place to deal with it when it does.

A self-nurturing, self-loving and self-accepting framework will also dictate how you deal with the clean up which is just as important.

What Framework Do You Operate From?

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Your whole world comes crumbling down, you just found out that your fiance’ has cheated and with your best friend, how could he do that to you? Where do you go, what do you do?

Are you comfortable enough to listen to the stillness within? Or is there so much discomfort and detachment that you do not care to listen and would rather compensate in the arms of another relationship?

You jump from relationship to relationship in fear of being alone. In fear of what life may look like outside the confines of a relationship.

You never get a glimpse of yourself or expand a deep appreciation of who you are because you feel safer hiding in the shadow of a relationship.

Or perhaps you have been hurt in the past and you are allowing it to become your present. You hold on to the pain so tightly it makes you feel safer not being in a relationship rather than risking your heart to someone else.  You have closed yourself off to love and are resigned to neither giving love or receiving love.

Both scenarios are played out from a framework of fear and resistance.

In the domain of self-love and self-acceptance however, there is no fear and your inner self is the source you rely on. Nobody else can heal you. You retreat to the centre of your being for nourishment, rejuvenation, re-alignment, shelter and support.  Your inner sanctuary creates the framework that allows you to be open, vulnerable and free. You are comfortable enough with yourself to move forward.

Self-Identification Versus Relationship Identification

When you identify yourself solely with your relationship, it is a sure road to a lonely heart that could end up broken.

Examples Of Relationship Identification:

  • You think of yourself purely in terms of your relationship.
  • There is no longer You or Him in your life, only ‘Us’.
  • You are an extension of another entity that is NOT yourself.
  • There is no clear delineation of You.
  • Who You are has become lost or forgotten within the limits of your relationship.

If you are reading this and are deeply in love, you might think what’s wrong with seeing my relationship as ‘us’? Or I don’t want a clear delineation, I just want us to be together, forever…♥♥

While I agree that being in love is one the most pleasing experiences you will have in life, you are NOT your relationship.

The heavier you depend on the relationship with someone else the more it takes you away from Self-Identification, which in essence, is You.

Examples Of Self-Identification:

  • The source of your happiness and peace is within.
  • You are already a WHOLE person.
  • There is no void within that someone else needs to fill.
  • The source of your loving, positive and peaceful  energy is within.
  • Your life-force connects with all things.
  • Your relationships enhance what is already there.
  • You are in alignment with your life’s purpose.
  • The meaning in your life is not derived externally.

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I am not saying that your relationship with your partner is not valuable and that you shouldn’t enjoy it to the max, but unless you develop a meaningful relationship with yourself, you will never fully enjoy a relationship with someone else.

When you take an adventure to the limitless bounds of your inner self, you activate an aliveness within you. You are your own person and you pulsate with a special glow. There is a certain sparkle in your smile that emanates from the inside out. Happiness, laughter, joy, peace and abundance is embodied in who you are.

You feel and express all of this whether you are in a relationship or not. Living in the full expression of You is not dependent on a relationship, but when that special person comes along, you have all this and more to make your relationship great!

Read my Soulmate love story that I truly enjoy from the inside out! 🙂

And What Happens If He Cheats?

Women who have become so identified with their relationship that they’ve lost their own self-identity are going to end up lonely with a broken heart. You may find life has little or no meaning when your relationship breaks down. Your relationship became your life.

Women who have a strong self-identity will still feel hurt but will draw on their inner strength to move on and learn from their experience.

Everything that was there before the relationship, is still in tact and will support your journey after the relationship has ended.

And the best part of all, you won’t be full of hatred, bitterness and resentment that will hinder the enjoyment of your next encounter.

Carrying negative energy will not attract beautiful experiences to your life. So you let go for goodness to flow in, out and around you, because this is who you are.

And the energy of love and self-acceptance you put out to the universe will return to you camouflaged as the loving, trusting and all encompassing guy you want and deserve.

Your sense of self, was already there, long before he came into your life and it will be there during and after your relationships too!

What Does It Mean For My Relationship?

You can go from relationship to relationship looking for Mr Right, Mr Fidelity, Mr ‘I Got It Going On’ but you won’t find what you are looking for until you find that ‘piece’ within yourself. When you live from a place of peace, joy, abundance, happiness and goodness from within,  you are certain to attract the same beautiful energy in your relationship. You life will be filled with laughter and fun in every way!

Even if you are in a fabulous relationship that you think will last forever, you must remember that everything is subject to change. And when change comes along, you want to be in the best place possible to weather the precarious storms.

And if you think shutting yourself off to love and living alone is the answer, you will probably end up lonely, isolated never knowing the joy and pleasure of a full and loving relationship.

You don’t have control over anybody else except YOU, so make sure that you live the best ever version of ‘YOU’.  Developing and nurturing you creates a WHOLE person so that when you embark in a new relationship, you will enjoy a WHOLE experience. Self-love is the key.

If you have enjoyed reading and would like to receive updates directly to your inbox, please sign up for my newsletter! It would be great to have you on board!

Be Blessed, Stay Beautiful

Michee Signature_Fotor

 

Michee

Certified Life Coach and Professional Health Coach. Passionate Health and Wellness practitioner for over 20 years. Business entrepreneur and Managing Director. Fitness enthusiast with a love for cycling! Writer (blogger), Poet and Mum.

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16 Responses

  1. Oh, this blog post will surely open a can of worms and trigger reactions. Although I agree completely that YOU have to be whole and complete unto yourself before being in a relationship, this is not the message young people get, nor a message a woman who is hurting can hear. The other area I question is that as people & relationships change, the one you never thought would cheat might because he is not the exact same person you started with. You did not make a bad choice, so you couldn’t see it coming. I don’t want to turn my response away from your excellent approach – relationship to self, so I’ll stop by saying, very interesting article.

  2. Great perspective. The focus should be on you. I think that the more in tune with oneself you are then the higher sensitivity you will have to your intuition. You can actually hear the little voices and see the red flags waving that alert you when something is wrong.

  3. Deb says:

    I agree it’s dangerous to look for your identity from a partner or relationship or job. Knowing yourself and bringing it every day is the way to go!

  4. Renee says:

    Self-nurturing is extremely important for women, as it provides a healthy foundation from which we can build strong relationships. What I love is the point you make, here, Michelle, that the first and best relationship we create is with the self. Great advice, I am sure to follow. Best 🙂

  5. Michee says:

    Thanks for your thoughts Roslyn, I can see it has triggered you own reaction, which is a good thing if it raises awareness. Young people get all different messages about what relationships should be but it’s my hope they get, that the most important relationship, is the one they have with Self. As they grow in maturity and begin to operate more and more from an inner place of power, two things happen. 1. They begin to attract relationship that honour who they are and 2. They better weather the storms when relationships go wrong.

    A woman who is hurting will not hear much in a state of hurt but operating from a place of self-love means she won’t stay there. She understands that she is not the sub total of that relationship.

    The post was not really about men cheating, because let’s face it, men will do what they do, it was more about our response and how that response is influenced by the relationship we have with ourselves. I believe the relationship we have with Self, is the ultimate relationship.

    Glad you found the article ‘interesting’, always welcome your comments regardless if we agree or disagree! 🙂

  6. Michee says:

    That exactly it Niquenya, it’s about being in tune and not operating from a place of fear and neediness so that you can hear, feel and know when things aren’t quite right. You listen and honour that little voice inside, which is our intuition and most importantly, you trust it.

  7. Michee says:

    You’ve pretty much summed my entire post up in two lines Deb! 🙂 Relationship are beautiful but they’re the icing and not the cake! They cannot fill your half empty glass, only you can do so! 🙂

  8. Michee says:

    I love the way you put that Renee, ‘self-nurturing provides the healthy foundation from which we can build strong relationships’. Investing in self-love pays dividends in all areas of our lives including healthy and happy relationships! We’re not defined by our relationships but by our capacity to bring the ones we enjoy into our lives. 🙂

  9. Hi Michee 🙂

    Such an awesome and thought-provoking post! The topic of cheating, or why men cheat is not only interesting but one that is popular in society today. Women cheat as well, and the reasons for cheating on both sides are not always the same but are similar for example, sometimes the cheater is just longing for attention or affection that is gone from the relationship. But that is no excuse for going out and looking, because in the end it is all about the relationship and the foundation of that relationship that is important 🙂

  10. Interesting article and discussion. Men cheat, yes but who do they cheat with? Women! Yes, women cheat too or single women have affairs with “taken” men. 57% of men cheat then most likely a similar amount of women do too. I know men whose wife have cheated on them and I know women whose husband have cheated on them. Both happen.

    Having said that I think your point of having a healthy relationship with oneself is key for both men and women.

  11. Michee says:

    Thanks for your comments Joan. I think the title of the blog is probably a hot topic but the the underlining message really, is for women to love who they are. When self-love is your cornerstone, you will still feel the pain of a cheating spouse but you’re able to move past it in a healthy way because you know you are deserving of a relationship that honours who you are. Both men and women cheat as you say but this post was definitely geared towards women although the message could just as easily be applied to men. 🙂

  12. Michee says:

    Certainly both men and women cheat Heather that’s for sure and the statistics are pretty staggering. The post however was written to highlight the importance of self-love as the framework for happy and healthy relationships. When we operate from a place of self-love, we are much better positioned to love and be loved and to reject people or situations that do not value our worth.

    I think both men and women can take something away from this message even though the blog was written primarily with women in mind. 🙂

  13. Sharise says:

    Very powerful post! Self reflection is one of the most difficult but necessary processes that we must come to terms with if we desire to be better. Being cheated on can leave one feeling inadequate, confused, embarrassed and angry. Oftentimes the natural response is to place all the blame on the “cheater. ” But in reality both parties play a role in this event. Self reflection is key when such an event takes place. You have touched on some key aspects to reflect on when being cheated on. Thank you for shedding light on this topic.

  14. Michee says:

    Thanks for your thoughts on cheating Sharise and you’ve hit the nail on the head in respect of Self reflection. It is such a necessary journey that we all need to make to understand who we are beneath the extraneous garments we wear.

    Of course being cheated on will leave you with a multitude of different feelings but the more you develop a relationship with yourself, the more you’re able to stand back, regroup and evaluate what has taken place. When you operate from a position of self-love you recognise your worth, honour who you are and place a high value on your life. In doing so, you’re more likely to attract a mate who reflects that state of being.

  15. Its basic males are greedy they do not like to share.this exact same man that won’t eliminate his lady possibly would have ripped off a 100 times and also say its d devil.my very own is simple if u rip off on me I will not leave you to God ill cheat back on u if u can not eliminate me I can’t eliminate you.

  16. Michee says:

    Interesting take!

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