Relationships: How To Spot If It’s Great Or Not! 10 Essential Ingredients For A Great Relationship.

If you are over 35, chances are you’re no stranger to the dating scene. You’ve probably already experienced short, medium and long-term relationships, had your heart broken a couple of times and are either jaded or jazzed by the prospect of meeting your dream guy.


If you are already in a relationship, you likely fit in to the category of fair to fine, steamy hot or painfully monotonous!

For most people, relationships are the cornerstone of life so I thought it would be fun to probe a bit deeper into what makes them special.

What are the essential ingredients in the type of relationship you would love to be part of? What makes the magic happen to create that life-long bound between you and your other half?

Whether you are single and looking for Mr Right or in a relationship that needs a bit more razzamatazz, here are  the 10 essential ingredients to help you spot, if your relationship is great or not! 🙂

  1.  Communication Is Key

Your partner is your best friend and is the go to person when you need to talk about your feelings, thoughts or ideas. Even if it’s just for a chat or a bit of a gossip, your partner has created a safe place for you to be heard and what you say, to be valued.

  1. Trust Is A Must!

If it’s not 100% it’s not trust. You know he is there for you and would never compromise your relationship. No need to second-guess this guy. What he says and what he does is congruent and leaves no room for doubt. You trust him enough to give him your all because you know he will never hurt you.

  1. Naked Not Just Between The Sheets

How comfortable are you being totally naked? I’m not talking about the no clothes get down and dirty kind of naked! I mean the nakedness that renders you completely open and vulnerable? Your partner has provided such a sense of honesty and security in your relationship, it allows you to share the deepest and darkest parts of your being, without judgment or reprisal.

  1. Good Old Gut Wrenching Laughter!

Even if your guy will never win comedian of the year, making you laugh and bringing fun your way is a must! Being in a relationship with Mr Serious is so heavy, it can literally weigh you down. Any guy that lightens the load and puts a smile on your face in the process, is definitely a keeper! 🙂

  1. Honesty Really Is The Best Policy

If he’s a liar, let him go because honesty is the ONLY policy when it comes to a healthy relationship. Being honest is not only high on his priority, it defines his character and conduct. In all situations the good, the bad and the ugly, his honesty sets the standard for your relationship to thrive.

  1. A Friend For Life!

Some friendships are for a reason, some for a season, but this one you know, is for a lifetime! Exploring the friendship part of your relationship takes you to the heart of undiscovered territory. There are no rules, regulations or restrictions, just a beautiful environment where two friends flow and grow. The sky’s the limit when a relationship starts from this kind of foundation or when you create it in your current one.

  1. Being Present Is The Best Present Of All

When you’re not being distracted by the compulsive chatter of your mind, there’s a long list of other distractions waiting to take over your time and sap your energy. Being present is the quality that lets go of the outside noise and creates a quiet space in the moment. Your partner not only sees and hears you without distraction but connects with you at a very deep level. The synergistic connection becomes one and you can share to your heart’s content.

  1. Patience, Kindness And Understanding

file000741891402‘A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else’. ~ George Savile

Patience is a reflection of inner growth not assigned to those who wait but to those who wait kindly. His patience is his hallmark and he uses it well to navigate his way through life.

‘A warm smile is the universal language of kindness’. ~ William Arthur Ward

He IS Kindness! He radiates it in all situations and wears it not on his sleeve, but in his heart. He knows a warm smile will keep the fire burning much longer than a heated argument.

‘The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding’. ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Understanding is the journey he walks, wearing the shoes of others. You see it in his empathy, compassion and ability to see life through someone else’s eyes.

Understanding is imbued in his character which values yours and all perspectives.

  1. Passion, Passion, Don’t Let It Go Out Of Fashion!

What keeps the fire burning

and keeps the soul alive.

What’s the stuff that moves mountains

and the fuel that powers your drive? Passion of course!

Passion is the excitement, the energy that takes your relationship from zero to infinity! It’s in the way he looks at you and the many ways he adores you. Passion is the sweat pouring off your skin when he makes love to you and then holds you gently in his warm embrace.

Passion is what moves him into the discovery zone of your life where he learns everything about your nature and your needs.

Passion is the pulse of your relationship and he does his utmost to keep it alive.

10.  Love♥


Last but by no means least is that crazy little thing called Love!

Love is the glue that keeps your relationship together. It is embodied in his appreciation of you. You feel the presence of it during the good times and the bad.

It is in his actions and his attitude and you know it because he is  open and always willing to give.

Love is the enduring principle that keeps you safe, keeps you cherished and keeps you forever in his heart.

Your relationship is expressed as love, you know it and feel it at a deep and meaningful level.

Is Your Relationship Hot Or Not?

Hot and Steamy

If you are lucky enough to check all 10 on the above list, you are obviously in a great relationship. But even so, the list could still be helpful to ensure it stays that way!

A great relationship doesn’t remain great all by itself. Like anything worth keeping, you have to work at it, re-invent it and discover new ways to keep it fresh.

So if you don’t want to go from steamy hot to a monotonous luke warm, don’t take your relationship for granted. Treat it like the first day you met and enjoy it like it’s the last day you get!

Fair to Fine

If your relationship is in the category of fair to fine or heading towards dull, you need to spice it up and give it some razzle-dazzle!

Unless you are feeling for a pulse, it’s not too late for your relationships to rekindle the romance and make sweet music again. However, both parties have to be eager and willing to make the commitment and put in the work necessary to make it special again.

Why Am I Here?

If you have  not checked any boxes or struggle to match your partner with any of the qualities on the list, it may be time to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions.

Nobody can tell you the direction to take in your relationship but if you don’t have an answer to the question why am I here, then you have got some deep soul searching to do. It sounds like you need an adventure, not to the great Pacific Ocean or the Mountains of Kilimanjaro but to YOU!

The number one rule about falling in love, is to fall in love with You first!

Read my blog on self-love and self-acceptance

And if you don’t fall in to any of the categories above, it means you’re single and ready to mingle!

I’m A Single Lady!

When you are looking for that special person, don’t sell yourself short. Expect nothing less than the qualities you see on the list when searching for your soulmate.

You deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Be open and allow love to flow in your direction. Leave your resistance in the garage, attic or anywhere else that stores broken baggage or stuff you no longer need. Just be the adorable, fun-loving YOU and all good things will come your way.

As a Life Coach I help you develop skills and take practical steps to create a more meaningful life. If you would like my assistance in your search for a relationship, or to improve an existing relationship, I would be happy to work with you.

Read more on the role a Life Coach, choose the coaching package that meets your requirements, then simply complete the form to get started. Or why not drop me a line using the contact us form and I can schedule a free 30 minute consultation.

If you have enjoyed reading my blog, you can get it delivered directly to your inbox. Just sign up for my newsletter, it would be great to have you on board.

Be Blessed, Stay Beautiful!

Michee Signature_Fotor


Certified Life Coach and Professional Health Coach. Passionate Health and Wellness practitioner for over 20 years. Business entrepreneur and Managing Director. Fitness enthusiast with a love for cycling! Writer (blogger), Poet and Mum.

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23 Responses

  1. I don’t think I knew or thought about all the elements of a relationship when I met my first husband. Some of those factors were present and that with raising 2 kids kept us together 28 years.
    Second time around I knew the most important factors to me and when I met Herb, knew he was a keeper. KIndness and respect, always caring and supportive, easy disposition, tries to make me laugh, never keeps me from doing activities he isn’t interested in & supports me in building my business. My friends want a clone.

  2. Great post and starting off with “communication” totally resonates for me. This is the cornerstone of all relationships, not just intimate ones. Trust and laughter. Love these two as well and are musts for me in any kind of friendship or relationship. You’d probably enjoy a piece I wrote a while ago called “What Makes a Great Relationship?” and as I discovered after I read all the comments, people rarely actually make it to the great stage of long term relationships. Also being a single lady, I am very aware of the the important components that take a relationship from good to great!

  3. Hi Michee,

    Fantastic post! These are definately the essentials for a great relationship 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  4. Great post! We all deserve to be happy….whether in a relationship or not. You’ve listed such helpful things to look for in a relationship. For me, trust has always been number one! Without trust, everything else will eventually fall apart. At the moment, I am single and enjoying every moment. May stay like this forever….or not! 😉

  5. Renee says:

    This is a great article that speaks to the beauty of a true, loving and meaningful relationship. Love the ingredients that are necessary to maintain to keep it hot and happening.
    Though I am more jaded than excited about any new man in my life, I definitely have a checklist to go by, now, if ever someone worthy appears in my life.
    Thank you for sharing these awesome tips!

  6. All great tips here! The one we should be working most on in my house is that deep belly laughter… Makes me smile just thinking about it! Very thought provoking post, loved it. Thanks for a great read. 🙂

  7. Great list. I’m single lady and loving it. I can see it as a great guide in looking for some one.

  8. Dalisse says:

    Very good advice!! I don’t think people would ever really be lonely if they learned what it truly means to love themselves. I think many are too often trying to find someone to complete them. And what does that mean anyway? Why aren’t you whole? Then there are those who expect for their partners to make them happy. What!! OMG!! I really get tired of hearing some of the sob stories out there.

  9. Michee says:

    Thank you for your comments Dalisse I totally agree with you, the only person that can make you happy is yourself, everything after that, in terms of your relationship, is icing on the cake!

  10. Michee says:

    Yes the list was written for singles who might want to mingle! Why not revisit if and when

  11. Michee says:

    Yes the list was written for singles who may want to mingle! Why not revisit when you’re ready for a relationship again! Thank you for your comments!

  12. Michee says:

    Thanks Norma for your comments. I used to be in a relationship where there was just not enough laughter and deep down I knew something was missing. Not now though, laughter is very much in there and how cool is it to get your silly on whenever you feel like it with your partner?! 🙂

  13. Michee says:

    Thank you Renee, hot and happening is a good sign your relationship is working and that both parties are making an effort to keep it that way. At the end of the day, we all want to share a meaningful relationship with our other half and you certainly won’t go far wrong with my essential ingredients!

  14. Michee says:

    Thank you Alexandra, you hit the nail on the head with your comments about trust. Trust is the glue that keeps it all together and if the glue unstick, as you say, it all falls apart at the seams. Trust for me is synonymous with freedom because the relationship is unburdened and you’re free to enjoy it to the max!

  15. Michee says:

    Oh it’s a pleasure Joan, I love sharing what has worked for me so that others may experience the delights of a great relationship. Thank you for reading and your comments!

  16. Michee says:

    Super comments Beverley, I couldn’t agree with you more. Communication is key particularly
    when we need to be heard and not just spoken to. Trust and laughter is a must for keeping things alive and feeling connected with your significant other. But you’re right this list would be a great litmus test for other relationships as well! When people make it to the great stage of a long term relationship as you say, it’s a very special experience. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  17. Michee says:

    lol Roslyn, your Herb sounds so much like my Tray! What a blessing to have found true love and to be able to share our lives with darn good men! Thanks for your thoughts!

  18. hazel says:

    Being present is key. I have to remind myself that the phone and computer gets turned off during family time.

  19. Michee, This is a great article about relationships; and the 2 most important being the Communication Key and the self-love. If you don’t have a great relationship with yourself, it’s hard to find someone to have a good relationship with – not saying it can’t or doesn’t happen, though. Great tips you have here and I do agree communication is the key to a solid foundation of any great relationship. Thank you for sharing.

  20. Michee says:

    Thank you for your comments Tamara. I so agree with you, if you don’t love yourself, why would you think someone else would love you? Loving from a place of Self not only enriches our relationships, it enriches all of our experiences! And as for communication, it is the key that unlocks the door and that’s when the real fun starts! 🙂

  21. Michee says:

    Now that’s what I call quality time Hazel. 🙂

  22. Yay! I am in the hot & steamy category! 😀 I treasure every day with my man and never take anything for granted. He has pushed me to grow, to be able to be vulnerable and open and I now understand how a lover can be a best friend. And I am happy to state that he feel the same way. On the outside we have left people scratching their heads – we are definitely an opposites attract scenario and the love we have seen come to life between us has surprised even us! Your list a great one. And a great reminder to make sure and cultivate all 10 in a relationship. Thank you for sharing this!

  23. Michee says:

    Wow, I don’t even know you guys but can feel the hot, steamy energy between you both! 🙂 Isn’t it wonderful to be able to share on all levels with your partner? Your relationship sounds amazing A Lynn probably because you don’t take each other for granted and appreciate every moment. That’s a sure way to keeping it fresh and fabulous! Being vulnerable and open, in my view, opens a pathway for love to flow freely, deeply and passionately. Thanks for your comments and continue to enjoy every second of your beautiful relationship. X

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